Six Tips for Writing Emotional Scenes

Nailing emotional scenes can be tricky. There’s so much nuance that goes into writing an emotional scene. It can even be tempting to hold back and not allow your characters to be “too much.” But let me tell you a secret: Emotions demand to be felt. So don’t hold back.

Here are six things to remember when writing emotional scenes.

Your characters' personalities will dictate how they react.

Make sure your characters act like themselves when confronted with intense emotions. It’s important to think about what makes sense for each character. They might act differently when they get emotional versus when they’re in their neutral state because they snap, but not all characters will be like that.

Think about who your character is on a day-to-day basis. How do they act and react to things that annoy them? Do they speak up in the moment or do they push the frustrations aside? If your character is vocal about their emotions in their everyday life, what does it look like when they’re pushed? Are their reactions intensified, or do they get quiet and simmer? If your character pushes their feelings aside, how do they pour out of the character when they’re pushed? Do they get angry and yell? Do they get even more hurt and push people away?

Understanding both how your characters act in normal situations and when they’re pushed will help you guide your characters’ actions in emotional scenes.

People don't often talk about difficult things until forced to.

People (generally) don't like confrontation and do a lot to avoid it, so by the time your characters are ready to talk about whatever the scene is about, they may have a lot of pent-up emotion. Don’t feel like you need to hold back in these moments. Dig deep for all the frustration, sadness, anger, or whatever emotion is finally bubbling to the surface. This is your characters’ chance to air out all their grievances.

Think about what your character’s breaking point is. Is it one big thing or something small that’s illustrative of an accumulation over time? How does your character react to this final straw? Once the breaking point is reached, what is the fallout? That’s going to be the core of your emotional scenes. In these moments, no one is at their best. Everyone is feeling a lot of emotions and probably weren’t ready to have this conversation or argument. How do each of your characters react to each other in this situation? Do they listen generously? Do they speak over each other?

When people reach their breaking point, they’ve usually had a lot of feelings and thoughts simmering for a while. Remember to not hold back in these moments and to allow your characters to act like the messiest versions of themselves.

Body language is as important as dialogue.

So much of human communication is non-verbal. Make sure you illustrate for your reader what is happening with your characters' body language. You can show how intensely a character feels by describing their body language. For example, a character might say, “I miss you,” and reach out to touch the other character’s hand only to pull back at the last moment.

On the contrary, a character can say one thing with their words but another with their body language. For example, a character might be saying verbally, “I can’t wait to be married,” but typing away on their computer, not even looking up from their work. Their words say one thing, but they’re not even looking at who they’re talking to. At best, they’re distracted; at worst, they don’t care about their upcoming marriage.

Don’t forget to cue the reader as to how the characters are feeling with body language. It could be more important than the actual dialogue.

Emotions run deeper than what we see on the surface.

People often feel primary and secondary emotions. A primary emotion is the base emotion your “lizard brain” picks up on and is gut deep, while a secondary emotion is more complex and thought through. For example, a person may feel the complex secondary feeling of guilt about breaking their mom's favourite mug, but their primary emotion might be fear. The fear of angering their mother, perhaps, or the fear of disappointing them.

As your character enters the scene, ask yourself, “What is their primary emotion?” How does that primary emotion (of fear, anger, hurt, etc.) dictate their secondary emotions (of guilt, righteousness, jealousy, etc.)?

Once you understand the primary and secondary emotions of your characters, you can use that information to inform your characters’ behaviour.

There is significance in small, ordinary moments.

Sometimes it’s the small things. Not all emotional moments are dramatic ones in the rain where someone professes their love (looking at you 2005 Pride and Prejudice 👀). Emotions are tricky beasts and one of the beautiful things about them is that they can hit at any time. That means that emotional scenes can be quiet moments that come from ordinary tasks.

Say your character lost someone. There’s a gaping hole where that person used to be in their life, but it’s the little details that can cause so much pain. Maybe your character lost the person who taught them an important skill, like sewing, and the next time the character sees a thimble, it reminds them of their loved one. Or maybe they’re washing dishes, and when they get to your ex’s favourite mug, they can’t keep it together.

What are the details that your characters care about? How do they react when faced with such small moments? Don’t forget those small, emotional moments.

There doesn't have to be an emotional resolution to the scene.

Sometimes the worst thing you can do is force an emotional resolution on your characters. People don't just make up or get over something right away. Sometimes, they need to sit with it. This is uncomfortable for everyone, but it’s more realistic than having your characters make up right when they’ve just had a huge emotional outpouring.

Think about how your characters will leave their emotional moment for now. At some point, there will need to be some kind of emotional resolution but not in the moment. Where is an acceptable place to leave it considering everything else that’s happening in your story? Is there an interruption that leaves them from finding any kind of resolution, or do they leave with a makeshift, good-enough-for-now solution?

Ultimately, your characters can’t always have a nice ending to emotional scenes. It isn’t realistic. It’s also better for the reader since they have to read on to find out more.

The long and the short of it is: Don’t hold back, but let your characters’ personalities shine through.

When writing emotional scenes, give it all you’ve got. Just remember to consider how your characters’ personalities will affect their reactions, describe your characters’ body language, and allow your characters’ to simmer before giving them an emotional resolution.